Recently I got asked: “How do I know you mean the words that are coming out of your mouth most of the time?”
First I was surprised. Then got offended.
But immediately remembered that the person in front of me hasn’t known me for a long time, at least the REAL part of me that only gets shown to a very few select people (the rest of them get my private distant side, and probably think I’m an asshole ‘cause they can read my replies online. Don’t matter, that’s my cross to bear. I’ll carry it. In the name of the truth and actual facts. Also, adding this: Being discreet and having a private life not published on social media is a rare thing these days.)
Still, got startled at the moment. Of course I mean the things that come out of my mouth. The implication is that I’m either a liar or some sort of dishonest person.
I don’t just say shit to say it.
I mean, ok… Straight up, I do talk a lot of shit (especially after a couple of drinks or party favors). But never lies, never premeditated deceitful comments. I usually mean what I say and I’m honest about what I mean.
It’s really not so complicated; the whole going for the ‘always honest’ badge. Tends to make life MUCH MORE EASIER than elaborating all these web of lies and then having to remember them all. You’ll eventually get tangled in the web you spun, so to speak.
What can possibly motivate you to NOT mean what you say?
Liar, dishonest, manipulative, coward, hypocrite, quitter, ignorant…
The list goes on and on. The implication towards the person’s character is severe. Won’t even go down that road right now, I’ll just brush it off. We’re just talking.
A simple comment in the middle of a very light and playful conversation (that would’ve most definitely leaded up to some consensual bow chicka wow wow) ended in a serious state of personal contemplation, followed by a few seconds of awkward silence, in which my life actions and morals were questioned by harshest and cruelest judge of all when it comes to personal decisions, myself.
— Wait, what was that smirk? What’s on your head right now?
— Nothing… Just stupid afterthoughts. Won’t even bother in telling you.
— What were we talking about a few minutes ago?
— Ah, yes… Something about starting a new writing project, a blog of some sort. How’s it going?
— Hmmm, I’ll let you know in a week or two. First couple of days are usually not that good. More wine?
— Pour away, mister.
* Clink Clink *