I live my life based on a set of rules, of principles, to maintain some kind of order and be able to make the *best decision possible: One that benefits me and also benefits others. The second choice would be: one that benefits me and wouldn’t cause absolutely any negative effect on others. The last one would be a scenario where I can’t get benefited, but others can receive some kind of positive effect.
You see? Simple. Maybe about 90% of my life decisions are resolved with this method, the other 10% can get messy, but usually I try to avoid fucking others: That’s the universal rule.
Of course, this system doesn’t apply to family members and/or sentimental partners. Why? Well, easy… Not everything can be measured in a win-lose scenario, and the ‘self-sacrifice scenario’ comes into play more times than not.
I’ll elaborate. Something so simple as “always telling the truth” or “Don’t do unto others what you don’t want done unto you” gets messy.
Telling the truth, no matter how you deliver it, could end hurting someone, even if it’s the truth. But what’s the alternative, lying? Hurt someone maintaining your principles, or lie and break them.
Do you call them out when they fuck up?
Do you strive for fairness and try to balance uneven situations?
Do you wait for the other person to understand or accept any mistakes?
I’ve learned some things over the course of 30 years and change. One of them is never hold a person to your high standards. Avoid the disappointment. Another one is that balance is an illusion. Power dynamics may be established through consent, but rules don’t apply similarly to all parties.
Don’t believe me? Put it to the test, face the consequences, and then immediately say you’re sorry; or you can keep lying to yourself. The choice is yours.
In any case, I sincerely hope you have a nice, comfortable sofa.