Meet my neighbor, I named her “Elle”

I think my next door neighbor (same building apartment) is going through something; it’s probably bad, don’t know exactly, but it’s most certainly weird.

Not to get into specifics, she’s a single middle aged woman that lives with her big dog (love him btw), uses the washer and dryer at least once a week, listens to her podcasts extremely loud (headphones, anyone? No? Ok, let’s blast them so everyone in the building can listen to it), and has a particular obsession with recycling and trash days (This one is beyond me. Something to do with taking out and taking in her bins and ours also at random.

Ok, that’s kinda specific, but you get the idea or at least can imagine the type of person I’ve been dealing with.

Today a few things were off.

1- She parked her car on the wrong side of the road. Here’s the thing, we have lots of street parking available, EVEN AN EXCLUSIVE GARAGE FOR US.

2-Normally, she walks her dog 3 times a day. Today, I only saw her once. Ok. Maybe I missed the other two.

3- She went out across the street, I saw her through my living room window. “She must be hungry, there are a couple of restaurants and food places about a block or two. Doesn’t have to move her wrong-parked car. It checks out.” IT STARTED RAINING (lightly) AND SHE JUST STOOD THERE ON THE SIDEWALK GRASS SMOKING A CIGARETTE. Then came inside. She has a backside deck and like two more areas where she could’ve smoked the cigarette. Ok, closing the windows now.

4-This is where it gets kooky. Instead of her usual dumb-ass podcasts, today she played a very odd mixed-playlist that included everything from country songs (don’t ask me which, I only know about 3), 80’s rock, Abba and Black Eyed Peas. Maybe she has a peculiar taste in music, no worries there. THEN SHE STARTED BLASTING OLD DISNEY SONGS FROM 1940’s to 1960’s. The ones recored on MONO audio. Before CDs, before cassettes, probably vinyl only music.

It can always be fucking worse. I know that: glass half full (damn, how much I hate this fucking phrase).

I lived in 3 different places, 3 different areas around the city in basically a year and change. There’s always some random shit happening around me. It’s like the gods or the main order of the universe keeps pairing me with fucked-up neighbors. There’s no escaping it. I refuse to accept this is my reality.

This is most probably some sort of mental challenge or a real-life metaphor for purgatory. I don’t know.

What are the fucking odds!! Goddamn it. I just want normal people for once! Is that too much to ask for!


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