“But doctor… I am Pagliacci”

Don’t you ever wish you can just quit everything? Your job, your bills, your debts, your responsibilities, paying the rent, answering call, writing texts, filling the gas tank, doing exercises, brushing your teeth, filing taxes… There are some days where enough is enough. It’s fucking relentless, and it doesn’t stop till you die. All of the sudden, you see ‘the light’ and it begins again.

Then someone comes along and says the classic phrase:
“What are you whining about? You know, there’s a lot of people that have it really bad compared to you. Be grateful.” – Well man, I feel for those people that have it worse. Hope it gets better for them. But I don’t know how saying that bullshit of a sentence helps me out one bit.

I consider myself an able-bodied, mentally stable (most of times), smart, above average man with born privileges like having a family, support system, good education, a pretty easy job that pays decently and enough purchasing power to enjoy life’s accesible pleasures.

And on any given day I couldn’t give a fuck about doing anything at all. I only do them because “I have to do them, to survive, to pay the bills, to be a functional person.”

Can’t imagine what it’s like with real problems and struggles. Don’t even get me started on having kids to take care off, or people depending on you. That must be hell on Earth.

At least I can take refuge in the simple things, like eating a whole pizza by myself, listening to my new favorite song 30 times in a row, going to bed early, a hot steaming shower… The list is long, but it still raises the question:

“Is it enough to actually feel happy?”


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