Today I googled: “how do i know if i have salmonella”. The reason? JIF peanut butter was linked to Salmonella cases. I eat one big 36oz jar a week with apples, pretzels, pancakes, crepes, oatmeal… You name it. If I can spread or stuff some peanut butter on it, I’ll probably do it.

The instructions said (which were sent via email, a phone call, and numerous articles) to check the lot number in the back, and if it had any number in between 1274–2140, followed by 425, you should immediately discard the item, and sanitize any areas that may have come in contact with the product.

Well… The one that has about 40% left is included in those lot numbers. Also, two other ones in my recycle bin. Meaning, in the past 2 and a half weeks, I’ve eaten basically 90oz of a salmonella contaminated batch.

No diarrhea, fever, vomiting, or any nausea. Although I did get a nasty stomachache after eating a whole large pizza with a bottle of wine last week. Maybe they’ll soon announce a Domino’s Pizza recall or maybe I should’ve stopped at slice number 8. Guess we’ll never now.

For the moment, still standing. And I sure as hell will finish the remaining peanut butter. You know why? ‘Cause this is America. And I have the freedom to choose if I’ll risk salmonella with my next PB&J.

[Grabs the jar and opens it, picks up the biggest clean spoon in the sink, and eats a huge spoonful of the forbidden peanut butter.]

Here’s to freedom.

P.S.
If I die or fall terminally ill, please sue on my behalf. You know why? ‘Cause this is America