Are we really seeing light at the end of the tunnel, or do we adapt to the darkness and start seeing more and more in pitch black surroundings?
I was playing online with my friends (something that happens maybe once a month for a couple of hours under strict scheduling), and in the middle of planning our next attack turn, because we are nerds playing strategy games, I thought out loud: “All my devices are charged, AC is working perfectly, and this apple is just perfect. Everything is alright.”
Right after I finished saying that sentence, I chuckled and said: “Must be nice feeling this most of the time, it’s just not sustainable.” Then I laughed again, but now ironically.
The amount of shit going on in my life right now, the economic uncertainty that will take years to resolve, the possibility of real financial ruin and having to make serious changes to my lifestyle is there, lingering over me, every fucking minute. I forgot it for an instant, and felt the levity. Something I rarely feel because I’m always carrying the weight on top of my shoulders, proudly, as training for harsher conditions in the imminent future.
The lightness of being, no… Feeling genuinely happy because outside it’s 85F since 11am til 9pm, but I’m inside eating an apple with the AC on.
I had a taste of what a clear mind thinks when it’s not overburdened with the heavy load of reality. Can’t say I didn’t like, but can’t either say the contrary.
Immediately after this, I’ll go back to my normal gear. The one that has been carrying me all my life and has led me to where I am at the moment. I must be doing something right.